Anyone else tired of A.I. being forced on us like an old U2 album? And no, I’m not talking about the Hailey Joel Osment movie. I’m talking about Gemini, OpenAI, Anthropic, and whatever else you need to decide what type of sandwich to make. I feel like nobody asked for this and yet here we are explaining to our relatives that the Facebook video they shared isn’t real, while we watch people make cartoon versions of themselves. Speaking of…

A few days ago, President Donald Trump posted an A.I. picture of himself as Jesus healing people. Yup, a man who has never done anything Christ-like, outside of supplying athletes with Filet-o-fish sandwiches, thought it was a great idea to hit us with a little dash of sacrilege. He had to outdo his Easter post after all. The crazy part is that this isn’t even the most offensive A.I. video he’s posted THIS YEAR!

We expect an old, weathered, smooth-brained bag of farts to use A.I. in this way. The issue I have is that so many of my peers are openly and willingly using it for the same dumb reasons! “Aww let them have their fun E.J. They aren’t hurting anyone” No, but the amount of water and energy used will probably get us all eventually. At least you get to make yourself into a Yassified Minion for, like, 12 people.

I know I know, I’m a hater, but I also understand that there are some good attributes to A.I. That I fully support. Using it to find cures and help society be better is great! However, I don’t need 40 commercials telling me how “great” it is. It should be able to speak for itself. Like Siriacha. Have you ever seen a commercial for Siriacha? Nope, but you probably have a crusty bottle in your pantry.

We are at the point where people are training their own job replacements. I got into a “spirited discussion” with a friend who told us that he uses ChatGPT to help him finish his work, so that he can do…MORE WORK! All the artists balked at this while everyone else in an office job agreed that they use it for everything. The number one reply I hear often is that A.I. is inevitable.

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If it is inevitable, how did we make it this far without using it? I hate this roll over and let shit happen to you vibe people have. Art has existed since the cave people drew their adventures on their walls like an unattended toddler. I want us as a society to push back and stop the smoothing of our brains. Things like ChatGPT are causing cognitive decline and we are just supposed to accept our teachers and doctors relying on it? Are we supposed to use ChatGPT in place of actual friends and peers for advice? Do we need another video of Will Smith eating spaghetti with 12 fingers?

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that my THC-fueled brain believes that A.I. wants us dumbed down for the great machine takeover like Terminator or Wall-E, but I’ll save that for a future blunt rotation if you’ll have me. There’s a shift in people’s feelings toward artificial intelligence, with companies on the verge of bankruptcy, and Sam Altman regretting having his home on Zillow. People are making the shift without A.I. into practice, and I’m here for it!

Support local creatives, pay a hungry artist to make a graphic for you. It might not be as fast, but it will look better, use less water, and keep your electric bill low enough to put the AC on this summer. Make the thing you’ve always wanted to make with fellow friends and fail boldly! We learn so much from failure and if we always get the “perfect thing” what did we learn and earn? The intelligence is artificial, so if you’re going to clean up slop, make it your own damn slop.

Eurovision rules. The music, lights, eccentric singers, and overall pagentry tap every theatrical nerve in my body. Furthermore, it presents an incredible opportunity for countries from around the world to compete against each other in a far more entertaining fashion than the Olympics.

I cannot say that I have been a lifelong Eurovision fan. On the surface, the whole thing seems very bizarre and took me a while to warm up to, but in 2022, I was blown away by Ukraine’s inspiring victory in the face of Russia’s war. It was incredible to see Ukrainian men from the front line return to represent their country and be fully embraced. The song Stefania is also a straight banger.

Sadly, that wave of joy and upliftment began to change in 2024, when Israel began its genocide of Palestinians in the Gaza Strip.

That year’s Israeli entrant, Eden Golan, was met with boos during their performance that appear to have been suppressed for the television audience. There were also protests held outside the event, which received more attention on social media than on the broadcast. Resentment and anger were beginning to simmer among the otherwise fanciful Eurovision fan base.

Backstage, things were more intense, as the Netherlands’ entrant, Joost Klein, was disqualified from the contest hours before the finale over a disputed event with an Israeli camera operator. The operator claimed Klein had made threatening movements toward them, but, ultimately, after an investigation by Swedish authorities, the case was dropped.

Despite the escalation in controversies, Eurovision refused to expel Israel from the competition, something they had done to Russia in 2022 when it began its campaign against Ukraine.

In protest of Israel’s continued inclusion in the event, ahead of the 2025 content, the 2024 winner, Switzerland’s Nemo, returned their trophy to the Eurovision governing body.

That made things particularly awkward when in 2025, Switzerland hosted the contest. During the dress rehearsal, Israel’s dry run was interrupted by protestors with Palestinian flags, and it was obvious a circus was about to ensue. Not long after, 72 former Eurovision contestants signed an open letter calling for Israel to be removed from the contest. Spoiler: they weren’t.

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Despite all the negative attention, Israel managed to do quite well at last year’s contest. Their entry, Yuval Raphael, won the public vote and took second overall when the individual countries’ votes were factored in. This result, however, raised many eyebrows.

An investigation revealed that the Israel Government Advertising Agency had conducted a cross-platform advertising campaign to encourage and boost public votes for Israel's entry. Like many authoritarian states, they appeared to try to whitewash their image via pop culture events to appear more internationally accepted.

Toward the end of 2025, a vote was held among the participating Eurovision countries, during which new, stricter rules were introduced to prevent state-sponsored promotion of Eurovision voting. However, there have already been suspicions that Israel is violating those rules with promoted content on YouTube and social media.

Ahead of next month’s 2026 Eurovision Song Contest, Iceland, Ireland, the Netherlands, Slovenia, and Spain have already announced they will be boycotting the event. A massive talent and morale blow to the line-up, and especially shocking considering Spain is one of Eurovision’s “Big Five” entrants, the largest financial contributors to the song contest, who are, as a result, given bye entries directly into the finals.

It is baffling that the Eurovision governing body would not remove Israel from the line-up, and, in light of everything that has transpired, I would be surprised if this “apolitical organization” does anything. However, this does present an opportunity for the vocal majority to make their feelings known in the most democratic way possible: VOTING!

That’s right, it’s time for Eurovision fans around the world to roll up their sequin sleeves and get the job done. Grab your smartphones, tablets, or old-school land-line phone, and pound those digits. Let those votes rain down on every country other than Israel, and when it comes time for countries to vote, I hope they do the same.

And for what it is worth, it does not make sense for Israel, a non-European country, to be getting such special treatment. In the words of Damian from Mean Girls, “She doesn’t even go here.”

Porto Alegre is a city in the southern part of Brazil, with over 4 million residents. In 1988, Olívio Dutra, a founding member of the Workers’ Party, was elected mayor.

Porto Alegre has been home to human civilization for over 11,000 years, and was elevated to a parish in the late 1700s, emerging from beneath Spanish rule (unsurprisingly, both Portuguese and Spanish Colonialism tore the Indigenous populations asunder). In 1835, a separatist revolt (the Farraoupilha Revolution) occupied the city for nearly a year, before falling back into central control. For the next century, the city saw a massive influx of immigration from Europe, port improvements, educational and industrial growth, and cultural diversification (if one would like to call it that).

Under Castilhismo rule, the city consolidated power to create the “golden phase” of architecture and public infrastructure, while exacerbating class stratification between the haves and have-nots. Workers’ protests began in 1906, with a general strike against tumultuous working conditions. The Workers’ Party was vilified by conservative forces, but built toward the Revolution of 1930, ending the Old Republic.

By the 1960s, political division between far-left and far-right movements led to the military coup of 1964, borne out of a fear of Communism. The United States aided in the Military Brigade, which removed populist politicians from office, closed unions, barred the free press, and persecuted many UFRGS professors.

Dissatisfaction only continued to grow in the late 1960s through the 1970s, as ever-increasing military dictatorship and austerity politics took shape. Porto Alegre led a groundswell of ecological protests and faced political repression throughout the 1980s.

Enter Olívio Dutra.

With his election in 1988, the city began a process known as Participatory Budgeting (PB). Working in tandem with a variety of community groups, the mayor overhauled the city’s budget process, empowering residents to directly “propose and vote on local investment projects” (Renzio et al., 2019). Participatory Budgeting did not just increase anecdotal agency for local residents, but led to tangible improvements for working-class individuals.

Basic sanitation access jumped 23%, while city-level funding for healthcare and education increased 27%. PB strengthens the roots of democracy by enabling inclusivity of all those who live within an area, not just a select few.

Side Note: Only 23% of eligible voters in Chicago voted in the primaries this March, if you were curious.

More than 7,000 cities across the globe have implemented the PB process, which has resulted in the growth of meeting social needs, reducing infant mortality, and significantly increasing school enrollment.

But, here’s the kicker. Did you know that PB exists in 64 cities across the United States? And would you believe that it exists in over 25% of the wards here in Chicago?

Welcome to Stats Saturday. Pour a second cup of coffee and flip those flapjacks.

STAT: Every year, all 50 wards across the city of Chicago receive $1.5M in Discretionary Menu Funds. In 14 out of the 50 wards, Participatory Budgeting has been implemented to utilize said funds.

“If you could change one thing about our community that would make life better for you, what would it be?” – Alderwoman Maria Hadden

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Map of Chicago wards with PB implemented into AMP funding.

The AMP has many limitations. The funding is funnelled through CDOT as a subprogram of the Neighborhood Capital Improvement Program. The improvements therefore must be tied to physical space in some capacity. It oftentimes includes spending a majority of the budget on street and sidewalk improvements, with little ability to maneuver beyond.

The program is simultaneously chronically underfunded and divided equally instead of equitably. An audit conducted by the Office of the Inspector General in 2017 showed that the program was short nearly $125M annually.

The map below displays the disparity in spending needs versus funding for the entire city. The map is from 2015.

However, the program has enabled space for true community control, ever-so-slightly.

In 2009, the 49th Ward introduced Participatory Budgeting into their AMP use, which was the first ward in the country to do so. PB Chicago launched in 2012, working alongside the UIC Great Cities Institute, PBP, local alders, citywide institutions, and community-based organizations.

Over the last 17 years, 13 other wards have joined the 49th Ward in implementing the PB process, each with its own flair, based on community input and infrastructural need. Attached here is a PDF chock-full of PB goodies.

The base template that is used for PB across the city is a straightforward process (both timelines and phases vary slightly from area to area):

1. Phase 1 - Idea Collection and Volunteer Recruitment

   1. A number of community brainstorming sessions take place, and targeted outreach coordination works to diversify project ideation.

   Phase 2 - Project Development

   1. Oftentimes, a select PB Steering Committee will take ideas and turn them into concrete projects that are both specific and logistically feasible.

2. Phase 3 - Project Exposition

   1. Residents are able to view project proposals, weigh the cost versus public good, and submit project alterations as needed.

3. Phase 4 - Voting

   1. Residents (and students who attend a school within the ward boundaries) 13/14 y/o+ can vote on their favorite projects. Both online and in-person voting are typically made available.

4. Phase 5 - Implementation

   1. Once project voting is done, the alder’s office will coordinate directly with CDOT to break ground on different project types.

A few great examples of AMP development through PB include:

• Goethe Elementary School play space and field

• Veterans Peace Garden

• Logan Square Skate Park (still in development)

• West Ridge Nature Park Improvements

On the 33rd Ward’s Instagram, the latest PB votes just came in. You can check that out here.

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“Wow, Brandon. This is the first time I have ever seen democracy work for working-class people at the governmental level! I would love to get involved. Where do I start?”

Is your brain breaking like mine was when I was researching this? That’s because you just realized the sham of democracy that is not so tactile was a farce!

For those of you who are interested in learning more about the PB process within your area, start by locating your alderperson via your home address. From there, I would peruse their website, send an email, or go in-person to their local office and ask for more information. I touched on this above, but residents 14 and up often are able to participate in the entire process. As long as a student attends a school within a PB ward boundary, they are likely able to partake.

In the 47th Ward, $200k is allocated for community projects, but project ideation and implementation are led by the 47th Ward Youth Council, which is filled by residents in grades 8-12.

At the end of the day, austerity politics often win because the version of government we are exposed to is opaque. Winning, populist policies (taxing the rich, healthcare and housing for all, etc.) can and would do worlds of good for the majority of Americans. However, even these policies still bifurcate the political process, ostracizing everyday people from having true agency over how their communities develop.

The PB process gives agency back to you and me. It tells us that our voice matters. Our opinions matter. Our lives matter.

“Who knows better what is needed in our ward than us?”

While this structure in its current format is heavily limited, it builds toward a more equitable and just future, with us included. And that value is truly priceless.

P.S. Clara Mattei, a Professor of Economics at the University of Tulsa, spearheads FREE, the Forum for Real Economic Emancipation. I highly encourage you to check out the work they are doing if people-led economic planning is of interest to you.

Israel is trying to seize territory in Lebanon.

It doesn’t take a genius to put that together, in case it wasn’t obvious by the fact that I, famed dumbass Joseph Walsdorf, just said it. Also, the Israeli defense minister said that’s what they’re going to do! Not much detective work required here.

The IDF claims it is establishing a buffer zone to create a stronger offensive position against Hezbollah attacks. But something doesn’t sit right with me, because I feel as though I’ve seen this movie before. Think dumbass… think!

Has Israel ever bombed another territory, demanded the citizens therein evacuate, then moved in its own troops to occupy the land?

OHHHHHH THAT’S RIGHT! Gaza.

Again, you don’t have to be a wunderkind to come to this realization. Even I, legendary dunce Joseph Walsdorf, figured it out. Plus, the Israeli defense minister already said they’re trying to replicate their actions in Gaza too!

Well, actually, he said,

And it’s that model I want to examine here. What is “The Gaza Model”?

Is it violating ceasefires?

Is it bombing civilian targets?

Is it being supported by the United States, no matter what you do?

Yeah, apparently it’s that. And more! Whether fighting Hamas or Hezbollah, Israel has used terrorist threats as justifications to seize control over the land it wants. Defending yourself is one thing, but it’s hard to see these actions as just defensive moves.

Forgive me if this analogy is in poor taste, but to an imbecile like myself, it makes sense.

When Dennis Rodman gets a rebound off the backboard, he’s playing defense. Once he lobs the ball to halfcourt so MJ can take it to the hoop, it’s not defense anymore! That’s an offense. And if the announcer called Jordan’s inevitable unprotected three-pointer a “great defensive move,” we’d all raise an eyebrow or two. Even me! And I’m a dumb, dumb, stupid head!

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When the U.S. and Iran came to their tentative ceasefire, I wondered if that agreement would include Lebanon and Israel. Then Israel answered my question by killing over 300 people in ten minutes of intense aerial bombardment. That’s not defense! If the Knicks sat down and said, “We’re done playing,” then Scottie Pippen launched a tomahawk dunk into their basket, wouldn’t that feel a bit ill-intentioned?

I’m trying to deduce what’s next, though. What comes after all the houses in the buffer zone are demolished and Israel is positive there’s not a Hezbollah presence there? If only there were another model I could look to, a template of sorts….

I GOT IT!

The West Bank.

Israel will try to gain permanent control of as much of southern Lebanon as it can. And then, to quote the line your baby cousin blandly delivers in the third act of his school’s Thanksgiving pageant, “The settlers arrive.”

Before Israel controlled the West Bank, it seized it in the Six-Day War. Then, after years of problems, the Oslo Accords placed us where we are now, with Israeli settlers moving onto Palestinian lands. And since our president seems very inclined to broker “solutions” between Israel and Palestine, I bet we’ll soon see something eerily similar in Gaza.

Then, once Trump is done trying to big dick Iran (which is quite challenging for him since his penis has been mostly consumed by the nest of cancerous pubes that colonized his pelvic region), maybe he’ll spit out another peace plan that allows Israel to plant their flag in the place formerly known as southern Lebanon.

As I wrote this, the U.S. is preparing to bring Israel and Lebanon to the table so they can ensure their conflict does not ruin the Iran deal.

I wonder what, and more specifically where, Israel will ask for?

Beats me, after all, I’m just one colossally dumb dude.

Let me be straight up about something before we get into this: this is not a piece defending Donald Trump. I want to say that clearly, mostly because I’ve met the internet and I know how y’all get down. Also, for the global majority of people, none of what I’m saying is new. But, for those that need the reminder, here’s the statement plain and simple: Dems have spent the better part of a decade building our entire political identity around Trump as the villain of the American story. And in doing so, we continue to let America itself (the system) completely off the hook.

Chill. I’ll walk through what I mean by that, why I think Trump is actually the most American president (hopefully ever), and what the real conversation we should be having actually looks like.

So What Are We Actually Talking About?

Right now, there is a massive cultural industry — podcasts, cable news segments, yard signs, whole ass political campaigns (got my eye on you, Juliana Stratton) — built on the premise that if we can defeat Trump, we can get back to the America we love. The “take our country back” folks. TOCB v MAGA. And that sounds… great. It feels good to have a clear enemy, a specific target, a face to put on the problem.

And what we’ve collectively decided the problem isn’t, is America. Its history. Its original design. The machinery that was running long before that Orange Dirty Bastard ever existed. That’s a convenient decision. It is also, I’d argue, the reason we keep getting back to this bullshit.

The OG ideas for America were genuinely dope. I somehow mean that without irony. Liberty, equality, the pursuit of happiness; these are ideals I, and this is true, f*ck with. The problem isn’t that we have ideals. The problem is that we’ve never had an honest national reckoning with who those ideals were originally written for, and what it would actually take to extend them the way we claim they already work for literally everyone who chooses (or was forced) to come here. And the reason it matters right now is that as long as we’re focused entirely on Trump — FYI Project 2025 is more than halfway implemented — we are still actively choosing to pass that history entirely. He’s going to die at some point, but unraveling this mess isn’t a task I think our current Donkeys in Blue are willing to do (c’mon Hakeem).

The question worth sitting with, especially when people say they want to “take the country back,” is: back to what, exactly? Back to before Trump? Sure. To which moment, though? Which administration, which era, which version of America were things working the way they’re supposed to for everyone?

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The Perfect Villain Paradox

Here is what the “Trump is the problem” framework does really well: it gives us somewhere to put our frustration without requiring us to look too far inward.

It is significantly easier to say “Trump Sucks” than to say “it sucks that the richest country on Earth is a system that was designed, from the very beginning, to extend its promise to some people and violently withhold it from others, all while changing the rules to best serve the oppressor and chief.” The first one fits in a social media caption. The second one gets you side-eyed for talking too much.

And we are, as True Americans, very good at avoiding that conversation. What tends to happen is this: we vote someone out, or we wait for someone to leave, and then we brunch. Sometimes, we’ll even get a little uncomfortable and inconvenienced and have strongly worded protests rallies before Ubering back to our condos. We call it progress. We go back to whatever normal looked like before. And the same ZIP codes still determine your life expectancy. The same wealth still pools in the same places. The means of production and access stay controlled by billionaire pedophiles and whatever Kristi Noem’s husband got going on.

Where I Land On This

I’m not saying don’t vote. I’m not saying the work being done by the adults in the room doesn’t matter. The real work has always been in looking at this country not as the mythology we were forcefully sold, but as the mechanism it actually is: how it runs, who it serves, where the gaps are between what we say and what we do. That kind of examination isn’t unpatriotic. Read The 1619 Project or anything written by Dr. Jared Ball. It’s actually the only form of engagement serious enough to match the size of the problem.

Trump is America’s Mirror. It’s not broken either; it’s been staring back at us for 250 years (happy birthday, I guess). We’ve continued to see what we want to see. And right now, we are looking ugly as hell. Now is a good time to try on something new.

Hello fellow reader of words, I’m back and anxious as all hell!

For the past few months, I have had an uneasy feeling that something bad was going to happen. I first charged it to the multiple cortados and weed, but this time I can only blame one thing: Trump.

I’m sitting here listening to news anchors discuss y’all’s president’s posts about destroying Iran, and I keep thinking, “He won’t really do it, will he?” And damnit if I’ve learned anything from the past ten years, it’s that this motherfucker is crazy and does whatever he wants with little regard to anyone. Knowing this grows my anxiety day by day and keeps my therapist paid.

I’ve been a big ass mess since Trump got back into office, and as I’ve said before, this feels like a terrible sequel that I didn’t ask for. His first presidency was new and uncharted. We knew he was an ass, but we didn’t know how bad it would be. Fast forward to 2020, and he ended his presidency with a mismanaged pandemic that did a number on us in multiple ways. What a finale! We voted, got him out, and we were done with the monster… or we thought.

Biden was in office, and we were all going to go back to enjoying our pre-Trump lives, but just like a post-credits Jason Voorhees, he showed he wasn’t done by staging the January 6th Insurrection. Who could’ve seen that coming? I didn’t. Stupid me was at brunch, completely unaware that we were being attacked from the inside like a bad Eggs Benedict. I couldn’t believe that he could organize his base with a few tweets. I also couldn’t believe that white people could turn the Capitol into their own personal American Ninja Warrior obstacle course.

We made it out of the woods. Sure, Trump never admitted defeat, but even the Republicans were done with him, and he was going to be prosecuted. Ha!. End of movie, roll credits, and enjoy that sticky feeling under your feet as you make your exit. Now it’s time to enjoy lower gas and grocery prices, no wars, and America being great again…

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SIKE! Sit your ass back down, this is a double feature! His followers became Disney+ execs and wanted another Trump movie, and because it’s a sequel, it’s all explosions and destruction with none of the fulfillment we were promised in the trailers.

We’ve seen how bad it can get, and I can’t help but feel like it’s going to get a lot worse. Our monster is back, and he has a better concept of how to ruin shit, and a lovely coat of cognitive decline that nobody seems to want to talk about now. If only there were an opposing party to stop all of this madness besides writing a strongly worded letter or hollow talking points with no follow-up.

The little silver lining is that we are all in this together! I’ve lost a lot of confidence in the current Democratic Party, but I’ve been inspired recently by seeing people organize and push back on this fuckery of an administration. Every day, I hope today is when we Antz push back on these grasshoppers to take back our country and rights. I keep thinking this is the part where the bad guys finally lose, but here we are in a terrible Marvel sequel with no hero to save us.

History shows us that fascists often shuffle members of their administration more than Cupid does at a middle school dance. Though it feels natural to celebrate every time one of these incompetent pawns get knocked off the board, it is important to remember that their disposal is all a part of the not-so-“greater” plan.​

The father of Fascism, Benito Mussolini, consolidated his power over the Italian government by changing as much as possible. Mussolini maintained control by constantly replacing those closest to him. He created entirely new government departments and totally erased others. He even held up to seven cabinet positions himself at one time. He worked to leave his mark on history by throwing his name on anything from street signs to sports arenas.

Sound familiar?

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It is clear that this administration’s strategy is to consolidate power by rapidly rotating leadership positions, with the president as the only untouchable centerpiece. The moment one of his disposable loyalists faces major public blowback from their orders, they are replaced by someone more submissive and likely, more unknown.

National Security Advisor Mike Waltz, Border Czar Greg Bovino, DHS Secretary Kristi Noem, and now Attorney General Pam Bondi, have all been repositioned or sacked. The last three characters mentioned were fired in a span of three months.

​This carousel of department and cabinet heads serves two major purposes.

They act as pressure release valves.

There seems to be a threshold for how much public scrutiny the administration is willing to face in order to justify the actions of its problematic leaders. Seemingly, the administration will attempt to control the narrative for as long as possible before eventually admitting that whichever figure is in the spotlight is more trouble than their loyalty is worth.

Instead of addressing the genuine concerns of the people head-on, those pulling the strings behind this optics nightmare have chosen the path of least resistance.

Nazi-cosplayer, Greg Bovino, faced legal trouble for using excessive force throughout his war on migrants and protestors during Operation Midway Blitz in Chicago. Despite a Federal judge issuing a restraining order against the use of tear gas on protestors, not even twenty-four hours later, Bovino and his goons went spraying and praying in Little Village.

Though Bovino was forced to show face in court to report on the operation daily, he constantly perjured himself, accused of lying under oath regarding the conduct of his agents.

Bovino’s actions caused uproar in the city since the start of the operation. Only, it wasn’t until he faced viral outrage after justifying the execution of Alex Pretti in the streets of Minneapolis that any “consequences” came.

At that point, the aforementioned threshold must have been crossed, because two days after the murder of Pretti, Bovino was forced to step down.

This proves that the administration has no issue cucking those who do their dirty work if it means the shit-show can go on.

In Kristi Noem’s case, it did not matter that she had the lowest approval rating for DHS secretary since the inception of the department. It wasn’t until the public learned she used 220 million in tax dollars to fund Homeland Security ads that she was also replaced. But maybe her husband’s uninspired drag queen career had something to do with that.

Outside of her horse girl DHS videos, my theory as to why the curtains closed on her short tenure is something more conspiratorial. It is all but public knowledge that Noem has been having an affair with political operative Corey Lewandowski, who is under investigation for forcing DHS contracts. This dynamic places these court-crossed lovers on both sides of the investigation, and if they were to wed, they would not be able to testify against one another in court. This is just one of the many examples of this administration's manipulation of the channels of justice.

When people like Noem and Bovino are fired, it displays a false sense of accountability and functionality of the government’s checks and balances. When in reality, it is simply damage control so the administration can try to save their Botox-riddled faces. These firings turn into nothing more than examples to point towards as proof that changes were made to appease the angered masses.

Greg Bovino will not be charged for his countless constitutional violations. Instead, he will retire in the California Countryside. As for Noem, the administration created a brand new position just for her as the government’s Special Envoy for The Shield of the America’s, whatever the fuck that means.

It is vital in these moments that we refuse to accept these false white flags and take them for what they are: insults to our intelligence and morality.

Leave room for loyalists.

The second and most concerning reason why the cabinet carousel keeps turning is because it allows the administration to strengthen its appointed base with loyalty tests.

If it becomes obvious that no one is safe, not even those whom the president is sexually attracted to, then the ass-kissing contest will only get more competitive.

In Pam Bondi’s case, the jury is still out as to the specifics that led to her firing. Maybe the president felt she wasn’t prosecuting his political economies well enough? Or maybe she accidentally knocked over a cabinet of classified Epstein files onto her desk? Either way, her firing only draws out any potential legal action against him and buys more time for the pedophiles.

Bondi’s replacement, tasked with running the Department of Justice, will be Todd Blanche, Trump’s former personal defense lawyer. Blanche was also the guy who spearheaded the transfer of Ghislaine Maxwell to a minimum security prison in Florida. So he’ll definitely get to the bottom of this Epstein stuff…right?

Though it feels natural to celebrate Bondi’s firing, I think it’s worth noting that what follows could be much worse. Todd Blanche is a fierce loyalist and is as close to Trump as they come. We must uphold the truth by not allowing any of these figures to fade quietly into the night as they are discarded like the president’s dirty diapers.

As more members of this administration are replaced, and there will be more, we must dedicate the power of the public to holding up a mirror to each of them.

We should not forget their betrayal of democracy for dick-riding’s sake, and maybe one day they will be forced to look at their own reflection.

A clown with a flamethrower still has a flamethrower.

After his depraved campaigns of violence in American cities at the hands of ICE, Donald Trump and his clown show of an administration have taken their willing ignorance and contempt for empathy global.

It’s Monday, April 6, 2026, as I write this, and I hope we all make it to the weekend.

Let’s start with the startling admission from Donald Trump last week about his domestic priorities when it comes to government spending.

"Don't send any money for day care, because the United States can't take care of day care,” Trump recalled telling Russell Vought, the Director of the Federal Office of Management and Budget, and a Superman villain. “That has to be up to a state. We can't take care of day care. We're a big country. We have 50 states. We have all these other people. We're fighting wars.

“We can't take care of day care. You got to let a state take care of day care. And they should pay for it, too. They should pay. They have to raise their taxes, but they should pay for it. And we could lower our taxes a little bit to them to make up. But we, it's not possible for us to take care of day care, Medicaid, Medicare, all these individual things. They can do it on a state basis, you can’t do it on a federal.

"We have to take care of one thing. Military protection," he emphatically stated. "We have to guard the country."

And there it is. Laid bare for every democratic operative to chop up and play adnauseum during the upcoming midterm season. Donald Trump and his band of lackeys do not care about you, your kids, or how you will have income as you get older, none of it. He cares about one thing: the military industrial complex.

And with his sons now in the drone sales business, why wouldn’t he want the largest possible pile of cash to take a little off the top? His depravity knows no end. It not only stupidly puts every non-billionaire American in a position to live a lesser quality of life, but it also puts Trump and his party in an insanely vulnerable position politically.

WE DID NOT NEED TO GO TO WAR WITH IRAN. This is a war being waged to assist Saudi Arabia, Israel, and other Gulf countries that got tired of being bullied by Iran and didn’t have the means to take care of the issue themselves. American soldiers are being used as mercenaries for hire, nothing more.

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This brings us to the absolutely batshit insane post from Trump on Easter Sunday. What a fucking asshole.

“Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran,” he wrote, McDonald’s secret sauce foaming from his mouth. “There will be nothing like it!!! Open the Fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah. President DONALD J. TRUMP.”

I’m 41. I’m old enough to remember 9/11, and I didn’t forget. Domestic terrorism is not something that Americans deal with at the same level of frequency as other countries, sans the out-of-control gun violence, which is a post for another day. The language Trump is using does not project strength; it projects a kind of ignorant antagonism that drives extremist recruiting.

There’s a lot of talk at the moment about a possible ceasefire deal between the United States, Israel, and Iran, and, candidly, I don’t believe much will come of it. Israel, our partner in these strikes on Iran, has shown little restraint when it comes to their craven attacks on Gaza, and with Iran in their sights now, I anticipate it doing much the same, only with explicit American approval.

In the rubble of bombed-out Iranian hospitals and schools will be parents who have lost their children, or children who have lost their parents at the hands of American violence. Good people who were just trying to live their lives under very hard and repressive circumstances. Those people will be radicalized to hate the United States, and America will be in persistent danger because of that going forward.

Without having to make a well-defined point, Donald Trump lost the 2020 election. He’s a loser. Trump is a dangerous fucking loser.

JD Vance could be worse. I’d say invoke the 25th Amendment, but would it make it better? I’m not sure what we can do in this moment, but I do know what we can do in November: VOTE.

Like many millennials, I was brought up in a culture that largely glorified a pro-drinking lifestyle. I was shown Animal House at an unusually young age, and dreamed of smashing a handle of whiskey just like John Belushi. While I didn’t start actually drinking alcohol until college, once I got a taste of it, I took to it pretty quickly.

I was an awkward high school kid, and drinking in college allowed me to loosen up and make friends. It served a purpose, even as I got older and tried to navigate more adult scenarios, but at a certain point, I didn’t feel like I needed it anymore. I don’t fault anyone who drinks. If you enjoy it, and you’re happy, go you, just be safe.

Last summer, after turning 40, I finally pulled the trigger and decided to stop drinking alcohol. It was a big decision, influenced by many other things going on in my life, but ultimately I made it. I didn’t do anything special; I just one day said I was done, and that was it.

Nearly a year later, I feel incredible, and cannot imagine going back to drinking alcohol. It’s opened up a whole new world of people and things for me! So, here are some observations and musings.

THC Drinks Rule

When I first stopped drinking, I was POUNDING THC drinks on a regular basis. I was still looking for some kind of buzz to satiate the alcohol craving, and with THC drinks legal and plentiful on the shelves, I was trying everything out. It was nothing for me to spend a Saturday with a few hundred milligrams flowing through my system.

After a few months, I began to realize I was just swapping one vice for another, and really didn’t need to be pushing the THC stuff so hard. I still drink them, but now I am a lot more likely to grab a 5 MG can than a 100 MG one. As I have spoken to more of my friends who have stopped drinking alcohol, many have said they went through a similar cycle with THC drinks. Don’t judge yourself if you do the same.

The good news is that at the moment, most bars in Chicago have some kind of 5- to 10-MG THC drink available. Go Marz! So, if you are out and want to share a drink with everyone, you don’t need to get something with alcohol in it; grab one with weed instead!

The social stigma of not drinking is such a barrier for so many to kick alcohol to the curb, and I think it is great that Chicago bars, and others across the United States, have started offering THC alternatives. Once I got past what I was drinking at the bar, I looked around and realized that a lot more people than I expected didn’t have alcohol in their hands. Something I’m becoming a lot more aware of these days.

The bad news is that THC drinks are currently under attack. As part of the bipartisan deal to end the government shutdown in November 2025, businesses were given one year to remove THC drinks from their shelves, with a ban on them on the horizon unless something is done. HOW THE FUCK DID DEMOCRATS AGREE TO THIS?!

With so much money already flowing through the industry, I find it hard to believe that SOMEONE in the Trump Administration won’t be getting a kickback to keep them on the shelves, but who knows? It breaks my heart to think that people looking to take the path I did to stop drinking alcohol may have it blocked off to them.

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Non-Alcoholic Cocktails Have Come A Long Way

When I stopped drinking, I didn’t want to drink things that tasted like alcohol. What’s the point? If I’m not getting blasted, then why drink something with the bitter taste of alcohol?

I was such a fool. A damned fool.

One delight that I thought would never be replicated for me was beer. I love beer. I’ve brewed beer at home. I’ve drunk beer at bars around the world and gotten kinda snotty with some about what hops may or may not be in the IPA I was drinking. Beer brings people together. I love beer.

So, after being skeptical of the N/A beer space, I finally caved and got a Heineken 0.0 at a bar. I’d seen Max Verstappen repeatedly advertise them to me during F1 races, and figured, “Why not?”

Man, I tell you what, that stuff tastes almost exactly like a real Heineken. It blew my mind, and from then on out, whenever I could, I was exploring N/A beer the same way I was regular beer months before. Having tried a lot of them, I’ll say that Athletic is probably the king of making N/A beer that tastes like real beer, and there’s usually a twelve-pack of their Golden in my fridge.

Once I was fully sold on the N/A beer space, I began to really let my guard down and gave N/A spirits a second chance.

Chicago’s a food town, and when I am at a fancy restaurant with my wife, I want a cocktail. I like feeling like an adult, and when I think of an adult night out, I still think of cocktails. What’s cool about the Chicago food scene is that so many of our great restaurants have taken to the N/A trend, and they have helped me see the light.

I’ll use Valhalla, one of Chicago’s latest Michelin-starred restaurants, as an example. We were fortunate to get seats for their tasting menu, which came with an N/A cocktail pairing option.

Over the course of two hours, I was treated to drinks that were sweet, sour, bitter, savory, and more, which all perfectly complemented the food and made me totally forget the concept of alcohol. It was all about the flavor, not the buzz.

Ice Cream And Cookies Are The Way

Alcohol contains sugar, and when you stop drinking it, you crave sugar like a crazy person. That’s okay. I’ve leaned into it.

At night, when I feel like I need a little late-night sugar, I go to the bodega near my place and get ice cream. It rules.

Rather than staying up to have that one last drink or getting restless sleep because of it, I just have a half pint of some random Ben & Jerry’s or Jeni’s and kick off happily.

Not drinking has led me back to ice cream. ICE CREAM. I’m like Joe Biden up in here, sans the support for Israel.

You can also eat cookies, candy, Nutella, or whatever else your heart desires. You aren’t drinking alcohol! Treat yourself to some sugar!

And while you are at it, use your newfound, non-alcoholic energy to go out and find a local ice cream shop. You’re not a sloppy embarrassment to yourself; enjoy ice cream around others!

Cookie places are also plentiful these days. I don’t understand it, but there are so many cookie shops in my neighborhood now. Cookie shops on top of cookie shops, across the street from cookie shops.

But I say, wonderful. I always see people in the cookie shops, laughing and enjoying each other’s company, with no alcohol in hand. Just cookies. That can be your life.

Welcome to Stats Saturday! Saturday Stats. Staturday? Saturistics? You get the gist.

In a world where objective statistics become weapons of subjectivity, maybe these stat-driven pieces can serve as a kernel of hope toward some semblance of normalcy.

Social Determinants of Health are the conditions in which people are born, grow, live, and age. These determinants are shaped by the distribution of money, power, and resources, oftentimes benefiting a small percentage of those at the top of the financial chain, with negative downstream consequences.

(Social Determinants of Health Visual, 2023)

An individual’s life cannot be fully interpreted without the collective nature of things such as access to resources and healthcare, community development, transportation, on top of residential segregation, language and literacy rates, and a myriad of other socioeconomic conditions.

Stats Saturday will present empirical evidence through this collective lens.

This week’s edition will focus on housing.

Keep in mind that statistics cannot and do not exist in a vacuum, nor do they paint the entirety of the picture. However, if they make you question our society’s unshakable belief in American exceptionalism ever so slightly, then my work has been done.

Take the bits that compel you. Challenge yourself with evidence that contradicts your natural instincts. And leave a Claude-created angry post in the comments if you disagree with me (don’t use AI, but call me a Bolshevik if you must, the algorithm might like that).

Without further ado, let’s look at a stat.

Stat: “Even at the 90th percentile of housing supply shock, it would take 16 years for housing to become affordable to the average full-time worker without a college education in Los Angeles and New York.”

The International Inequalities Institute (say that three times fast) released a working paper in January of this year, which disintegrates the trickle-down housing policy initiatives driven by abundance bros (we have all been Ezra Klein pilled at one point – it’s okay). To avoid getting screamed at by every YIMBY within a three-mile radius (a group in which I do belong to), I want to state on the record that there is an estimated supply shortage between 4-7 million homes in the US. The III statistic doesn’t discredit this notion, but it does question the prescriptive nature of housing shortage causing an ever-growing rise in housing costs. Neoliberal YIMBY-ism fails to observe the larger material conditions that have driven housing costs to unprecedented levels.

In 2025, the vacancy rate of rental units across the country sat somewhere between 6-8.5%, depending on single-unit vs. 5+ unit vacancy breakdowns. Vacancy rates are important for obvious reasons. It shows the immediate contradiction between the necessity of building housing while ignoring the fact that a large percentage of rental units remain unoccupied. Even when reading about the vaunted New Deal in relation to growing public housing, terms such as “disastrous” are thrown around regarding the 2.1% vacancy rate in 1937. Building new, cleaner housing to move laborers out of slumlike conditions was vital during this time period, but framing the vacancy rate through this small vantage misses the forest through the trees.

Vacancy and unemployment rates are shadows of one another. The Capitalist viewpoint (which even liberal Fed chairs abide by) constantly works to balance the national inflation and unemployment rates. The incentives are to balance the borrowing power of the average American by tinkering higher interest rates as real wages or job opportunities grow.

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This same lens can be applied to low vacancy rates, being seen as “disastrous” because it indicates a slow-down in the housing development supply-chain. Neoliberal abundance-ites think that private developers are solely driven by the market’s demands for housing supply needs. I will even lift that the National Alliance to End Homelessness has stated that NO STATES have enough permanent housing for people in need.

This statement presupposes that our current housing system does not believe housing is inherently a human right. That means federal subsidies, tax reimbursement programs, and rent stabilization policies are the only way to house those without a home. With vacancy rates this high, while over 750,000 people in the US experience homelessness, the circular-logic of housing supply and demand is set in stone.

If a small minority is enabled to profit from a human right, no amount of incentivization or deregulation will alleviate our housing issues. As unemployment is to corporate moguls, vacancy is to landlords. Vacancy rates must exist to price-gouge renters, while homeowners cling to their only means of accruing wealth and long-term financial stability. Without the fear of sleeping outside, landlords would not be able to suppress tenant rights.

But what if we looked at this from the other perspective?

Collective ownership of public goods (housing, transportation, education, healthcare, occupation) would operate under the principle of “from each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs”. I will avoid veering too far into my own ideological belief set, but the ‘build baby build’ nature of supply-side shocks is infuriating. Over 10% of housing units in the State of New York are unoccupied, yet over 158k folks are homeless at the moment of my writing. Private ownership will never solve the contradiction of those who do and do not get to sleep with a roof over their heads.

The working paper disproves the notion that unfettered building of housing would magically solve housing shortages. Wage stagnation, private ownership, and lack of communal spaces are all significantly larger factors contributing to our current housing issues. Recently, I talked to a friend whose rent is going up $100/month, and it just-so-happens to coincide with a new housing development breaking ground across the street from him. Even I am being priced out of my neighborhood despite a laundry list of new housing developments being promised on my alderperson’s website.

Crazy take incoming: What if we prioritized getting people in the housing structures that currently exist before assuming that infinite growth will lead us to the promised land?

Mind blown?

A society not oriented around one’s needs but instead reliant on subservience to profit margins will never solve the inherent contradictions until redistribution of power occurs. Both finances and capitalism are self-constructed societal apparatus that require populist buy-in for minority benefit.

As contradictions bleed people dry, revolutionary attitudes and class consciousness will continue to take shape.

But let’s start by putting people in some damn homes.

In 1969, the Apollo 11 spaceflight put a man on the moon. And that’s not up for debate.

Seriously folks, the moon landing happened. It was real! And there’s so much evidence to prove it. From photos, to moon rocks, to the testimony of the astronauts themselves. Besides, what did America stand to gain by faking the moon landing? There is truly no validity to the claims that it was a hoax.

But that was then, and now we can watch AI-generated Neil Armstrong do the stanky leg while Buzz Aldrin plants the American flag.

After minutes of research and hours of talking to myself, I have concluded that the ongoing Artemis II space mission is a sham. A bamboozlement. A deception intended to trick the American people. I will now present my reasoning, but please be warned, fair reader…

Once your eyes are opened, they cannot be closed again.

Also, you may expect someone making a bold claim like this to cite sources and facts to justify their point. I will do no such thing. The government controls the internet, so nothing there can be trusted. Instead of facts and sources, I have opinions formed via speculation and very loose correlations.

Long story short: you can absolutely trust me.

Now onto the proof.

Let’s conduct a thought experiment. You have $93,000,000,000. Would you rather:

A. Use the money to launch a rocket into space? or,

B. Take all your space nerd employees to a laser tag facility and cover their bar tab?

The choice is obvious. Basic game theory tells us that a logical person would go play laser tag until the cows come home. Were billions of dollars to land in my pocket today, I’d be blasting lasers faster than you could say “chem trails are making our children bisexual.”

I’ve basically proven myself correct, but for the sake of argument, we’ll continue.

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Riddle me this: if TSA agents aren’t getting paid, who did the security screening for the astronauts on board Artemis II?

Nobody! And in a post-9/11 America, there is no chance we’re letting unchecked passengers enter our airspace. One of those astronauts is a foreign national for crying out loud! Do you really think that because they’re flying a government-sponsored rocket on a NASA-approved mission, they aren’t subject to a bag X-ray and a metal detector? Just one more reason that this rocket launch is a media fabrication designed to trick even the most clever Americans.

Fair reader, do not chastise yourself if you were tricked by this charade. The government has been orchestrating it for decades. What better way to make us all believe this lunar mission was real than to conduct a real lunar mission over fifty year ago.

That’s right, Apollo 11 was purposefully real so that the American public would forever believe all NASA missions were real. Once you prove man can walk on the moon, who would doubt it could happen again and again? But there’s no actual need for us to return to that celestial body. We already brought back a bunch of rocks, and that’s all the moon is! Scientists will try to tell you they want to explore pockets of ice found on the moon’s dark side, but we have ice here on Earth. DUH! That’s an excuse so paper-thin, you may as well print obituaries and sudoku on it.

With such rock-solid evidence presented, you’re probably wondering why NASA attempted to deceive us. Why did they fake-launch a fake-rocket into fake-space? I commend you, fair reader. You’re thinking like a true awakened mind. Soon you’ll be wondering if the earth is truly round, and what’s actually going on with that Santa Claus fellow.

Why? Why do this? The answer could not be more obvious. I bet you’ve already thought of it. It has surely traveled to the very tip of your skeptical tongue. Allow me to say what we’re all thinking:

This was an April Fool’s joke that got way, way, WAY out of hand.

OBVIOUSLY!

NASA “launched” Artemis II on Wednesday, April 1st, 2026. It was broadcast to crowds across the country and the world, with the intention of displaying an “April Fools” message as soon as the countdown reached zero. But somebody in mission control forgot to cut the feed, the message wasn’t shown to the audience, and now NASA has to fabricate a ten-day lunar research mission.

They hoped no one would figure it out, but we did. And once this story comes to light, this will go down in history as the greatest American prank gone wrong since Dick Nixon tried to toilet paper the DNC headquarters.

Truth awaits, if you’re brave enough to find it.

Everyone’s saying dating in these times is both hard and expensive, but we here at Guerrilla Press thinks that’s a capitalist way of thinking. Dating a socialist isn’t just about romance; it’s about solidarity. You can’t just think that flowers and an expensive meal will impress that snack of revolutionary; you have to bring class consciousness in your swag. But fear not, you Comrade Casanova to be, here are six date ideas on How to Bag a Socialist Baddie:

The Lakefront. Which, By The Way, Y’all Already Own.

Chicago is one of the only major cities in America where the entire lakefront is public land, and that is not an accident. That is the direct result of A-aron Montgomery Ward. A capitalist, ironically, who sued the city twice in the 1890s to keep developers off the waterfront. Tell your date this while you walk the 606 or sit on the rocks at Rainbow Beach watching the skyline. Then let it hang in the air; a rich guy once did something good for the public! Note that this, and this is true, is quite rare.

Bring a blanket. Bring a bevy. Do not bring a 12-piece from Harold’s unless you want to be chased down by pigeons.

Take The Red Line Together. The Entire Red Line.

Nothing will radicalize a person faster than riding the CTA from Howard to 95th in one sitting; not because it’s dangerous, but because it is a living, breathing reminder of a city that has been deliberately divested from, neighborhood by neighborhood, for decades. Watch how the train fills and empties. Watch how the architecture changes. Watch how the grocery stores disappear south of Roosevelt. Chicago’s disinvestment in its South and West Sides is not an accident of geography; it is a policy choice, repeated across generations. You don’t have to say any of this out loud. Just ride it together and let the city explain itself.

If they’re the right person, they’ll already know. If they’re still learning, this is not going to work.

Haymarket Square. Just... Go Stand There.

This one is perfect for May Day. It’s a small plaque near Randolph and Des Plaines. Easy to miss. Most people walk by it every day without knowing that this is ground zero for that eight-hour workday they enjoy, or increasingly hate if their boss Dan always uses the word “passionate” to mean “exploitive”. May Day, loudly celebrated by workers in nearly every country on earth except, conspicuously, the United States, comes from this corner. Take your date there. Let history do the talking. Then get an Italian beef, extra dipped.

Pour out some gravy for the blue-collar homies.

A City Council Meeting. Hear Us Out.

Chicago City Council is 50 alderpersons representing 50 wards. It is one of the most powerful municipal legislative bodies in the country, and this is also true, one of the most corrupt. A masterclass in how power concentrates when citizens don’t show up.

Meetings are public. They are free. They are occasionally chaotic in a way that is genuinely more entertaining than most things on Tubi. Take your date to one. Watch how decisions get made about TIF funds, zoning variances, and police budgets. Watch who speaks and who gets cut off.

Afterward, go and get a well-earned drink and talk about what you just witnessed. This is civic foreplay. Roar.

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Volunteer Together. Pick Something Unglamorous.

Skip the one-day “Day of Service” where everyone wears matching t-shirts and takes a LinkedIn photo. That’s not solidarity. That’s performative with a tax write-off. Instead, find something that requires return visits: a weekly shift at the Greater Chicago Food Depository, canvassing with a DSA Candidate, mutual aid distribution in Englewood or Austin, where the city has decided residents need fewer resources and more thoughts and prayers.

But the gag is: there is no better vibe check for character than volunteering regularly alongside someone you’re into. You’ll learn whether they show up when it’s cold, whether they’re kind to people having the worst day of their life, whether they do the work without performing the work. That’s more information than six dinner dates will ever give you. And if they keep showing up, that’s someone who understands that love, like change, is not a feeling. It’s a practice.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Do Absolutely Nothing. On Purpose.

The most radical date you can go on in Chicago, or anywhere in the algorithmic hellscape, is one where you produce nothing, consume nothing, and post nothing. Bring a blanket to the lakefront. Watch the water. Read different books next to each other. Talk about what you actually believe: not your personal brand, not your podcast recommendations, not your five-year plan.

The lake doesn’t care about your hustle. It was here before the city and it will, at the rate we’re going, eventually reclaim several neighborhoods on the North Shore. There is something useful in sitting next to something that big and that indifferent to capitalism. It clarifies things. It can help clarify people.

And if the person next to you on that blanket gets quieter and easier and more themselves the longer you sit there, that’s not just a Baddie.

That’s socialism, bby.

Xo,

T

“Go to college, get married, and have kids” is what they told us, but HOW?! Ok, I know how physically and biologically, but once the child is here (around the time Republicans stop caring about them), it seems to get harder to raise a child as the years go on.

I’m 37 years old with no wife, no children, and an affinity for tapas. When my parents were at this age, they had three kids, one on the way to college, a house, a dog, and a ton of debt. Thanks, George W!

They were living the concept of the American dream! One that I thought I wanted to follow. I had my whole life planned with being married by 24 and a child the year after, I wanted to be a young dad, but reality started kicking in that I won’t procreate nearly at the level of Nick Cannon and Elon Musk.

Millennials were sold a dream, and I tried to follow the script. I graduated with student loan debt and a degree in acting. What could go wrong? The idea of the “perfect life” started feeling less like a dream and more like a stressful nightmare. How the hell could I raise a child?!

I feel like so many of my peers are investing in plants and pets while asking the same question, and the common response I hear is, “I want kids, but this world feels a little too crazy right now.” It feels like we are in the opening scene of Idiocracy; the idea of having children feels reckless, unless you got it like that! It’s no secret that children are very expensive. I’ve watched my parents have hard pockets of time financially. I swore that if I have children, I want to be completely ready; i.e., be upper middle class.

Ha! Upper middle class with a degree in acting! If only I had figured out streaming and making online dances earlier. Unfortunately, we live in a world of inflation with a minimum wage that doesn’t match the cost of living. The costs of raising children exploded, with child care being so high that you might as well get a second job as a nanny. Food and clothes are already expensive, now I have to shop for someone who is growing rapidly?! When I see families in the airport or my friends with children struggling, my first thought is always “YUCK!”

I barely have McDonald’s money for myself. Remember the dollar menu?! I’m riddled with anxiety already, and having to be the ATM for mini versions of me seems like a personal hell that I don’t want to live in. Being a gig worker and actor means I live in waves of “feast or famine”, so when I’m booking and getting paid, I believe that I could raise a family of four. But on the downswing, I’d probably have to sell my least favorite kid, Hansel & Gretel style.

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Healthcare is a prominent issue across the country, and while we are a developed nation, we are still miles behind other countries in terms of education and healthcare. We all know children are living water balloons filled with germs, and at any moment, they can get sick or break a bone. I barely go to the doctor because I’m already dead inside, how the hell am I going to pay for an accident-prone mini me? There’s only so much ‘Tussin I can put on it.

I’m also worried about the inevitable societal collapse. Global warming, wars, mass shootings, and Labubus are enough reasons to never leave my home, especially after paying rent. Bringing a child into this world feels irresponsible when every day we live under a regime that actively hates us, wants to take our rights away, a climate that’s getting exponentially worse, and everyone is dumb as hell. I don’t want some dummy’s kid breathing near my reflection of perfection.

What if MY kid is the asshole? I watched Inside The Manosphere recently, and I dreaded the idea of having a son that, no matter how much he gets hugged and loved, he’ll take a wrong turn on the internet and become a red-pilled, mouth breathing, misogynist? Or worse, an improviser?! I can’t “Yes, and” my boy being a tool that only speaks in the latest TikTok vernacular.

That’s small potatoes compared to having a daughter. The idea of being a “girl dad” is a dream… in another country. Women’s rights are being stripped away at an alarming rate. Men, for the most part, are monsters, and Black women are the most educated yet disrespected group in this country. Bringing a daughter into this world would be like throwing her into the deep end of the pool and hoping she’s the next Lilly King.

Lastly and admittedly, I’m selfish as hell, y’all. I very much enjoy being unbothered and having my time to myself. I’ve seen people with children who seem like they would rather be anywhere else than with their children. I don’t want to be the parent who is locked in on their phone while at the park or hanging out at happy hour to take the inevitable edge off of dealing with my future children. What if I don’t want to hear about their day, Roblox, and active shooter drills? I love to unplug and do nothing, but with children, there is none of that until whatever bedtime I establish, and I never keep up with it.

As the great Whitney Houston once said, “I believe the children are the future”. But I’m worried about what that future looks like. I have a glimmer of hope since working at Guerrilla Press. I see there are more progressive ideas being pushed, and people are fighting for the future we need. A country with free childcare and universal healthcare, that isn’t being run by pedophiles and corporate greed, feels like a good starting point for us to “Yes, and”.

So to all of my thirty-somethings, constantly being asked: “When are you having kids?” I see you, and I hear you, and you're as loud as joints.

If there is one golden nugget meant to sift through the pan of bullshit served to the voters for this year’s Illinois primary election, it’s the P-word.

The progressive movement presents as a direct reaction to the growing number of people who are tired of corporations controlling our elections and neglecting social safety nets for profits. This foundation presents a sound argument that effectively incorporates buzzwords consistent with populist demands. However, at the ballot box, progressive candidates’ wins have been few and far between.

If I had to diagnose the disappointing result of the Illinois primaries, it is likely because progressives are forced to operate within the Democratic Party structure. Oftentimes, this means candidates don’t have the capacity to develop and promote their distinct platforms. Therefore, voters must navigate through the Democratic Party’s weak justifications for neo-liberal policies. This is why the label progressive, though seemingly inclusive, might be casting too wide a net.

If New York Mayor Bill de Blasio and Illinois Congressional Candidate Kat Abughazaleh can both identify as “progressive”, how are voters supposed to know who is really at the heart of the movement?

Since there is no official progressive third-party option, there is no independent infrastructure to build the movement upon. And since the societal goalposts are constantly shifting around progressivism, there are no consistent policies tied to the movement.

So what are we left with?

If I had to assume the positions of today’s progressive candidates based on the perpetual streaming ads and TikTok campaign videos, I would highlight these three issues that came up the most.

1. No PAC money

2. Affordability

3. Abolishing ICE

All of these positions are very important and ones I have found to be deal breakers for any candidate I’m serious about voting for. Though these issues might seem fairly obvious in theory, the way they manifest in policy could vary widely from office to office.

Strategy is the wind to the sailboat of ideas. If the strategy of this new left flank is consistent in theory alone but contradictory in practice, then that ship of ideas will implode quicker than the Ocean Gate submersible.

When push comes to shove, progressives are the ones prioritizing grassroots movements, while establishment Democrats are manipulated by powerful corporate lobbyists. Since progressives are forced to work within the established Democratic party framework, they are mostly trying to jam a round-shaped peg in a wrinkly-Chuck Schumer-sized hole.

As it stands, the progressive movement must be serious about its distrust of the establishment. They must platform community leaders to fight on behalf of the masses over the protected elite class. That being said, if the left is supposed to present as an opposition to the right, then where is our opposition party?

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The Democrats failed to resist the greater interests of the Republican Party because they ultimately have the same interests: private interests. Without a single party willing to represent the majority of voters, we are constantly flipping two sides of a loaded coin. This lack of contrast is most glaring when examining both parties’ blatant failure to improve the material conditions of the majority of Americans, who are struggling to keep up with ever-rising prices.

The question at hand: is this progressive movement capable of holding strong in representing the people and their populist demands, or will it be co-opted by the established media and corporations to serve solely as a controlled opposition?

What makes me nervous about the term progressive as the main signifier of the new left is its potential to distract from the heightening of working-class consciousness, with generations of struggle and real-world practice behind it.

The Democratic Party has a 35% approval rating, which is still less than the party that bombed 175 schoolchildren in Iran. The Democratic Party is a sinking ship. Whether progressives who hope to secure robust social safety nets should support a Socialist, third-party alternative is neither here nor there. I do, however, take issue with the inherent reformist attitude foundational to progressivism, which separates the movement from its revolutionary counterparts.

At its core, the progressive movement does not propose a permanent alternative to the crony-capitalist system that has perverted our elections. When analyzing the reformist position, there is no denying that more reliable social safety nets are an objectively sound argument in a vacuum. But when looking at past reformist movements, they have served better as pressure-release valves than as genuine attempts to permanently limit the hoarding of wealth at the top.

The results of the March Illinois primary election hinted at the answer to the fundamental question of this article. Out of a heavy handful of promising progressive candidates who ran, only a few were victorious against more than the 50 million dollars in special-interest money funneled against them.

Even if the progressive movement were to succeed from the two-party system, would they be capable of beating the billionaires on both sides? Still, they would be putting themselves in a better position to sway far-right swing voters, who are focused on affordability and harbor distrust of the establishment, making them much closer to the leftist position than the invisible moderate.

If a third party can clear the hurdle of the baggage stacked up by the Democratic Party and free itself from the influence of lobbyists, then I believe that common ground could be found on the fringes.

The most successful third-party movement in American history was the Bull Moose Party, founded by Teddy Roosevelt. The Bull Moose party advocated for progressive social and economic reforms. This movement stemmed from Roosevelt’s disapproval of the conservative economic and social policies of his former ally, William Howard Taft, whom he accused of betraying progressive values by supporting monopolies.

After losing the Republican nomination in the 1912 election, Roosevelt decided to run as a third-party candidate. After the election, Roosevelt beat his Republican opponent, winning 88 electoral votes to Taft’s 8, but ultimately lost to the Democratic candidate, Woodrow Wilson, with 435 electoral votes.

Let the record show, Teddy Roosevelt and the Bull Moose campaign are far from perfect. Though the Republican Party was the progressive party at the time before the great party switcheroo, he still ordered the eradication of indigenous communities in the colonialist American expansion project of the early 20th century.

If the progressives of today are looking to win elections, they should start by building something new. Something to excite people again. To give them hope that the government will, for once, prioritize Americans over the small minority of increasingly rich weirdos.

They should refuse to dilute their populist messaging and hold firm in building genuine grassroots movements, powered by people, without taking a single dollar from PACs.

As I think about the potential need for a third-party movement in the general election, I am reminded of the recent No Kings III rally, where I worked as a journalist. The energy was palpable when surrounded by thousands of angry soccer moms.

It felt both important and validating to be among people ready for change. Yet, when I looked at the people on stage, there was a clear contrast. Standing among the genuine progressive leaders in this city, like Mayor Brandon Johnson and newly elected Senator-elect Juliana Stratton, there were also figures like Daniel Biss, Brendan Reilly, and Dick Durbin. All of whom support sending weapons to Israel and are backed by special interest groups.

Maybe that’s where the progressive movement here in Chicago can take the next steps. By forcing the representatives who desire the optics of identifying as progressive, but truly support the old guard of the Democratic Party, to decide on one thing:

Are you with the people? Or against the people?

The choice is theirs to make, but the rest is up to us.

Tomorrow, March 31, is National Run For Office Day!

As part of the fun, Run For Something Civics will host a virtual live event featuring guest speakers, and they have invited Guerrilla Press Co-Founders EJ Cameron and Nick Hausman to participate!

Tune in to the live stream at the link below around 8:21 pm EST to watch EJ and Nick address those in attendance.

http://runforofficeday.com/

National Run for Office Day is a public demonstration that the most capable leaders are already serving their communities and deserve a seat at the table where decisions are made.

We’re rejecting the false binary between authenticity and professionalism. Your lived experience is not a weakness. It is exactly what makes you qualified to run and lead.

State and local leaders create the policies that impact our day-to-day lives and communities the most — from the curriculum children are taught and the books we have in our libraries to access to health care and the ballot box.

Our elected leaders do not reflect the reality of the American people. Young people, women, LGBTQIA+ people, and people of color are wildly underrepresented in leadership, and until we all have a seat at the table, we won’t realize the future we’re fighting for.

If you’re enraged about how people are treated in this country, if you’re exhausted from not seeing change and ready to do something about it, it is your turn to lead.

Nearly 70% of races on the ballot in 2024 went unopposed or uncontested. The numbers are even more alarming when you zoom in: 91% of regional seats, 82% of county seats, 74% of local seats, and 61% of city seats were uncontested. That means we need leaders like you who are already showing up for your communities now more than ever.

To lead us forward, we need ordinary people to take the extraordinary step of running for office. We must be bold, visible, and authentic without apology.

We don’t have to wait to build something better. This is our moment to step up, grab the mic, and lead. Together, we can build a new future and reshape our democracy — one local office at a time.

As many of you know, prior to co-founding Guerrilla Press with EJ, my life over the past 15 to 20 years has primarily been consumed by the world of professional wrestling. In my 20s, I was a bad-guy manager named Rinaldo Piven, and then, in my 30s, I made the transition to a “pro wrestling journalist.”

I’m being asked more and more to write about politics through the lens of professional wrestling, so I am going to do that in today’s piece. But, before I do, I want to take a moment to reflect on this past weekend’s No Kings III rally in Chicago.

I’ve proudly rallied and marched as part of the first two No Kings events in Chicago, and after the second one, I felt compelled to do more, which was a big reason Guerrilla Press exists. With as much anger as there is at the moment in the United States, and rightfully from Chicago, toward the Trump Administration, I am always struck by the overwhelming sense of joy at these events.

Yes, people are pissed. Yes, American democracy is under attack. YES, OUR PRESIDENT IS LITERALLY ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL.

However, Chicago sees brighter days ahead and knows the only way to get to them is through vigilance. It’s through being there for each other, and looking each other in the eye and saying, “I see your pain, I’m in pain, and I’m here for you.”

No Kings III was no different this past Saturday, and, if anything, was only bigger and better.

I’d like to thank Indivisible Chicago for allowing Guerrilla Press the incredible access we were afforded. Our camera was on the media riser filming the event alongside CNN, MSNOW, and News Nation. That’s crazy!!!

Guerrilla Press and I want to step up in the moment to help save America, and being invited in to do that means the world.

And with that, let’s talk about America’s WWE Hall of Famer President, Donald Trump…

I will likely write many articles on the connections between Donald Trump, the McMahons, WWE, and the world of professional wrestling. Rather than bore you with long, long exposition, I’ll refer you to a great book by Lavie Margolin called TrumpMania. It tracks Trump’s relationship with the McMahon family, starting in the late 80s, with WrestleMania IV and V being hosted at Trump Plaza in Atlantic City.

The McMahon family, like the Trump family, is a group of gangsters, and it should not be any surprise that the two see eye-to-eye. They’re ruthless entities that view human beings as commodities, like elephants in the circus. With everything going on at the moment, it can get lost sometimes, but it should HORRIFY everyone that Linda McMahon is the Secretary of Education. Google “Ring Boy Scandal.”

Arguably, the scariest part of the symbiotic relationship between Donald Trump and Vince McMahon is the carnival-style showmanship knowledge that McMahon has passed along to Trump.

McMahon is a monster, and it pains me to give him any laurels, but it is impossible to discount his ability to manipulate people. If there is one thing McMahon is good at, it is getting people to cheer who he wants them to cheer, boo who he wants them to boo, and keep their attention where he wants it. Skills that Trump has weaponized over the past decade and a half in American politics.

Why was Hulk Hogan being a racist so hard for so many to reconcile? Because Vince McMahon had conditioned pro wrestling fans to cheer and love him. Vince knew who Terry Bollea was behind closed doors and was able to package him publicly as someone palatable, wholesome, and anything but who he actually was. Trump does that all day with himself, his cabinet, and his morally bankrupt allies.

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This brings me to Iran, a country Trump could not wait to invade and pillage. And with his relative success in Venezuela, why wouldn’t he? He was able to arrest an almost universally detested dictator, Nicolás Maduro, with a very limited operation that did not cost any American lives.

Even better? Rather than allowing the people of Venezuela to elect a new President, Trump installed Maduro’s former Vice President, Delcy Rodríguez, as the new leader. And, with a figurative and possibly literal gun to her head, Rodríguez has capitulated to Trump’s every demand and has begun to see her country pillaged by outside American interests.

It’s gangster politics at its finest, and the $100 million dollars in Venezuelan gold that America just claimed this past week is proof of that.

So, with Iran, Trump saw the potential to replicate that success and began his Vince McMahon-style carnival ballyhooing. Despite his most senior advisors reportedly advising against a war with Iran, which is much more militarily capable than Venezuela, Trump pressed on.

In pro wrestling, when you are lying to someone and know it, that is called a “work.” Most of what you see in a pro wrestling ring is defined as “work,” since the whole sport is theater, and what the wrestlers are saying and doing is largely pre-determined.

When a wrestler comes out and says, “I’m going to beat you up because you ran over my mother and dog in a monster truck,” it’s great theater, but you’re being “worked” if you believe that other wrestler actually committed murder.

By knowing that an operation in Iran would not be easy, and telling the American people otherwise, Trump was attempting to tell a story and work not just America, but the world. He expected Iran, NATO, and everyone else to go along with it. The problem is, they all showed up to his scripted pro wrestling politics show, didn’t like the script, and are refusing to go along with it.

A “shoot” in pro wrestling is when something real happens that isn’t planned. Like when a wrestler actually gets injured, or says something they aren’t supposed to. In those situations, what is intended to be a “work” can become a “shoot” environment.

Yes, we’re having a fake fight, but this guy actually got hurt, so we have to stop the show to deal with it.

Yes, we’re saying scripted lines, but this guy just actually insulted me personally to my face, so I’m going to drop the act and actually beat the shit out of him.

The latter scenario is what those in the pro wrestling business call getting worked into a shoot. When the show stops being a show and devolves into a mess.

That’s what Donald Trump has going on in Iran. What started as a performative show, as he did in Venezuela, has unwound into a situation he no longer has control over. His pro wrestling, Vince McMahon-fueled bravado has led to real-life consequences, and he is scrambling to find a way to book himself out of it.

We can get into “what is booking?” later!

In 1920, Franz Kafka wrote a short story simply known as Poseidon, in which he imagines the titular Greek god of the sea as fundamentally bored and unhappy. Instead of having Poseidon ruling the sea and all of its various inhabitants as he is typically depicted, Kafka has stuck Poseidon behind a desk, too encumbered by tedious paperwork to go out and enjoy his vast kingdom. In creating the ocean, Poseidon has simultaneously formed an eternal prison for himself. He is the author of his own misery and the creator of his own personal private hell.

This is the exact same situation that Nick Fuentes has found himself in.

If you have been lucky enough to completely avoid any awareness of Nick Fuentes, allow me to ruin your day. Nick Fuentes is a 27-year-old white supremacist, Holocaust denier, and (some would say worst of all) podcaster living in the suburbs of Chicago. Every Monday through Friday, Fuentes live streams America First with Nick Fuentes, his show where he discusses the news of the day and extols the virtues of racial purity, Christian nationalism, and the classic “traditional family values”. He has cultivated a large audience that numbers in the hundreds of thousands to millions, with his supporters calling themselves “Groypers”. You’ve likely seen them in the replies section on X or at GameStop with large pit stains on their graphic tees.

While I am no fan of Fuentes, his clips have frequented my Twitter feed for the last two years (thanks, Elon), and I’ve begun to notice something: Fuentes is beginning to turn on his audience.

During each livestream of America First, Fuentes allows the Groypers in his chat to send him donations, with donations over $10 read out via text-to-speech to the entire live audience. This is great for his audience, as it allows them to have direct communication with their favorite beady-eyed political commentator, and it is great for Fuentes, as he gets to milk his fans for all their worth. But as of late, the relationship between Nick and his incel army has soured.

During his November 26th, 2025 livestream, Fuentes fan Notandy12 sent Nick $75 along with the message, “We should all start buying boomers 1950s [cars] and drive them around. Showcasing American heritage and beauty for the American First movement,”. As a casual Fuentes observer, this idea seems right up his alley. Nick has gone on record as saying he feels all aspects of American life were better in the 1950’s, as women weren’t as prominent in the workplace and public spaces were segregated. It only makes sense that Fuentes would love some classic automotive Americana to make a comeback.

Fuentes responded to this suggestion by putting on the classic “stupid” voice and saying, “Duhhh, what if we all drove around in classic cars to own the libs? Fuck you pussy, kill yourself.”

He did make sure to thank him for the $75, though.

On March 14th of this year, Big Badinky Bones sent Fuentes $100 and asked him what he felt was a better Chicago Saint Particks Day activity; the Western Avenue parade or the the river dyeing? A fair question for someone spending the holiday in the city for the first time, and who better to ask than a local? Fuentes replies by saying, “I don’t fucking know, dude, Google it or look on Yelp or whatever. I’m not fucking helping you. Thanks for the chat.”

Frequently, the Groypers will try to bond with Fuentes over popular media. One such instance of this occurred last month when DrSaint sent Nick $25 to recommend he watch the TV show Dexter, as the main character is a white man who is not a simp. Fuentes tells DrSaint that he (or she, women can watch accelerationists too) is exactly the kind of person he has been trying to avoid his whole life.

During the holiday season, ShartMaster73 superchatted Fuentes $30 to ask him to put together a playlist of Christmas music. To thank ShartMaster73 for his generous donation, Fuentes skipped the message before it could even finish and gave a middle finger to the camera.

Superchats are not the only way that Groypers can interact with their thought leader. For $100 a month, the most committed Groypers can be in a group chat with Fuentes, where they have 24/7 access to him so they can hear his thoughts on the Bad Bunny Super Bowl halftime show or whatever he’s outraged about at that moment. When recently talking about the exclusive Groyper group chat, Fuentes simply said, “I try to prioritize talking to people who are smart or funny or interesting, and with this group chat… I don’t know, man. I really don’t know what to do.”

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Now, if I were as utterly misanthropic as Fuentes, I’d simply turn off the ability for my audience to send me these messages. That way, I wouldn’t have to talk to all of these people that I abhor. But this isn’t an option for Nick, because if he stops taking these chats, how else would he monetize his hate?

The obvious question is, why does his audience stick around and keep donating after all this abuse? He cannot make it any more clear that he doesn’t want to hear from them. I believe they stay because they are so far down the rabbit hole that the Groypers are the only community a lot of these folks have. It gives them a sense of purpose and belonging, with a central figure telling them what to do, similar to a cult.

Kafka’s Poseidon story was left unfinished, so we don’t know what the mythical being did to alleviate his profound ennui, so I have no advice to give Fuentes on dealing with his situation, but I do have a piece of advice for all of the Groypers that read Guerilla Press: If you want to pay money to get berated and humiliated, a dominatrix is a much better return on investment.

I take no pleasure in telling you this, but Donald Trump is repeatedly taking actions that indicate he is interested in the death of his citizens. Sometimes in big ways, like letting RFK Jr. “go wild on health,” but also in small ways such as… um…

After consulting my notes, it appears he’s actually just doing big ones. I guess that says something about the amount of power held by THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES! Lest we forget that the most powerful man in the world is a soon-to-be octogenarian, gleefully tearing apart any shred of dignity left in that highest office. He would be ridiculous if he weren’t so malicious.

Which brings us back to my claim: the President has a penchant for putting Americans in danger through new and unusual methods. Americans have been endangered plenty of times before (ever heard of Vietnam?), but this guy is doing it in ways previously thought impossible!*

*Not that he’s particularly clever or smart. I’d hate to compliment that sad sack of hair plugs wrapped in a red tie. President Trump probably had these actions handed to him by one of the other sadists in his orbit, who took it from Project 2025, who took it from 101 Ways To Induce Human Suffering.

Let’s dive into the different ways Trump puts us in harm’s way, starting with the immediate threats.

1. Vaccines
   

   I joked about this above, but it’s truly a problem. The administration’s lax attitude on child vaccination is NOT GOOD. Measles is back! Measles! Even typing that word feels wrong. Too modern for what I basically thought was an extinct disease. Find me a typewriter or a BlackBerry or something. Measles was eliminated in the U.S. in 2000. That’s three years before I was born! I was under the impression this was a post-measles America, and I was wrong.

   Measles is somewhat deadly, with about three deaths per 1000 confirmed cases. But it spreads very fast, and at scale, those numbers are even more imposing. It’s already killing people, and it can absolutely get worse.

2. ICE
   

   Question: What happens when you send poorly trained, trigger-happy incels into cities and tell them they’re above the law?

   Answer: They shoot people who bother them. Alex Pretti and Renee Good were likely the first thoughts that crossed your mind when you read the title of this article. Their deaths were unnecessary, brutal, and celebrated by the President. And remember, those are just the ones we saw video of. ICE detention centers and facilities like “Alligator Alcatraz” (a dumb-ass name by the way) maintain poor conditions that impact the health and safety of all detainees.

   ICE is now deployed to airports as the partial government shutdown continues, and some suspect that once the shutdown ends, they won’t leave. Trump wants ICE near us, and with the agency’s track record of harm, you have to wonder why.

   That was a little heavy, sorry folks. Before we cover the slow-burning threats to the citizenry, here’s a palate cleanser:

What a dope. That groundhog doesn’t know anything about systemic dismantling of national institutions. He barely remembers his own shadow! We could only be so lucky.

Anyway, back to it.

The President and his administration are continually chipping away at the structures of our society that keep us safe and healthy. These actions don’t kill quickly, but their effects will be felt. You already knew this was coming. Let’s talk about climate change.

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3. Repealing The Endangerment Finding
   

   Under the Clean Air Act, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) is required to regulate pollutants once it is determined that they endanger our health and the environment. This means the EPA has to regulate, among other things, greenhouse gases. The Clean Air Act is a federal law passed by Congress, so Trump couldn’t just do away with it, but his friends in the fossil fuel industry sure would like it gone.

   So Trump’s EPA found a workaround: if greenhouse gases aren’t pollutants, then the EPA no longer has to regulate them under the law. And so they repealed the Endangerment Finding, a 2009 scientific decision that concluded the gases produced from the harvesting and burning of fossil fuels adversely affect human health and contribute to climate change.

   That’s right, they overturned a scientific fact! The Endangerment Finding came after years of inquiry by experts in and outside government, and all of a sudden, it isn’t considered true. That’s not how science operates! If we overturn gravity, I won’t start floating. It’s still real, regardless of whether we acknowledge it. Turning gravity on and off would be a ton of fun and make it a lot easier for me to dunk, but it’s just not the way anything works.

   The EPA cleared the way for more greenhouse gas emissions into the atmosphere. This will hurt us all. As climate change intensifies, air quality decreases, temperatures rise, food production becomes harder, and your stubborn grandparents who refuse to leave Florida because of “a little wind and rain” are at risk of stronger and stronger hurricanes decimating their retirement property.

4. Reclassifying Professional Degrees
   

   This one is only a future threat at the moment, so I’ll end with it as a shred of hope.

   In 2025, the Department of Education, led by real-life Lady Macbeth Linda McMahon, proposed a rule that would reclassify some professional degrees as graduate degrees. These classifications are used at the federal level to determine borrowing caps for student loans. Those pursuing graduate degrees have lower borrowing limits, which can make it more challenging to cover rising tuition costs. That may be less of a concern for your cousin that wants to get his master’s in glass blowing (no shade to glass blowing!) but let’s see which degrees Linda thinks should lose this professional label:
   

   • Nursing (Master’s, Doctor of Nursing Practice)

   • Public Health

   • Occupational Therapy

   • Physical Therapy

   • Social Work

   • Counseling

   • AND MORE

   
   If getting a nursing degree becomes more expensive, people will stop getting those degrees, and as anyone who's watching The Pitt can tell you, nurses are the backbone of our medical system. Without them, more people will die!

   These proposed changes throw a wrench into the healthcare worker pipeline, which wasn’t exactly functioning at 100% before! They take effect on July 1st, and I know I said this would be the hopeful part of the list, but I’m looking at my notes again…

   Yup, sorry. No hope.

So why is the President doing this? Why does he want us to die? Truth be told, I’m not sure, and I have little interest in trying to determine why the guy does anything. I’d rather focus on stopping him, and that starts with local organizing. The federal government isn’t interested in your survival, but the people around you probably are. Vote small! Get involved! Volunteer your time to fill the gaps.

Maybe we can build something that takes care of each other better than the government ever pretended to do.

Congratulations, You’re the CEO of Being Used

The gig economy arrived on the West Side in a 2011 Nissan with a check engine light and a “You’re the Boss” notification. Apps like Uber, Lyft, DoorDash, Instacart, and Amazon Flex promised freedom: set your own hours, be your own manager, and earn unlimited money from the comfort of your car.

However, the “boss” part of the gig economy comes with anxiety, a broken-down car, and sometimes speeding away from Boyfriend Bullets. The “big boss” with health insurance and stock options lives in San Francisco and calls themselves a “founder.” Gig platforms misclassify workers as independent contractors, thereby avoiding basic labor protections such as minimum wage, overtime, unemployment insurance, and health care, while controlling pay rates, job assignments, and discipline through algorithms.

In Illinois, app-based gig work has exploded, with Cook County having the largest share of such work in struggling neighborhoods. For many, gig work is the only way to make ends meet, making the “work when you want” feel like a Teen Takeover-style snap curfew imposed by an app notification.

This guide briefly explains how the gig economy works, and offers practical, community-centered responses beyond just “tipping drivers more”. Let’s go!

Step 1: Recognize When “Be Your Own Boss” Means “Exploitation”

Just like The Wizard in Wicked, the central magic trick of the gig economy is all in the label: companies call workers “partners” or “independent contractors” to dodge labor protections while treating them like employees who can be fired by an algorithm at any moment. Real independent contractors negotiate their rates, set terms, and choose clients; gig workers get preset pay, non-negotiable terms of service, and the constant threat of unexplained deactivation if ratings dip, prompting the algorithm to say "Sashay Away."

A major human rights report on US gig platforms describes how companies like Uber, Lyft, DoorDash, Instacart, Amazon Flex, and others unilaterally set pay rates, control access to work, and rely on opaque, ever-changing algorithms that keep workers in the dark about how their pay is calculated. Many workers end up earning less than the local minimum wage after accounting for unpaid waiting time and expenses like gas, insurance, and vehicle maintenance.

In Illinois, community listening sessions with gig workers reveal patterns of juggling multiple platforms, working irregular hours, and taking on everything from food delivery and ride-share to freelance marketing and convention work just to patch together an income. Many workers report health and safety challenges, from traffic accidents and assaults to stress-related issues, all without paid sick time, workers’ compensation, or employer-sponsored health insurance.

Step 2: Follow the Money (Spoiler: It Is Not in Your Bank Account)

If this system is supposedly about empowering workers, someone should probably explain why the main thing empowered is corporate valuation. Data analyses of gig platforms show wide variation in hourly earnings; one recent report estimated that ride-hail drivers for apps like Uber averaged roughly the low twenties per hour while actively on trips, while food delivery workers for DoorDash earned around eleven dollars per hour on average — the lowest among the apps studied. Those numbers do not fully account for unpaid time between gigs, vehicle costs, or the fact that many workers report effective hourly pay below minimum wage when all expenses are included.

On the corporate side, these companies have built billion-dollar businesses by externalizing basic operating costs, such as fuel, equipment, and safety, onto workers, while presenting themselves as neutral “platforms” that simply connect people. The platforms keep a significant cut of each fare or delivery fee, add service and mystery fees to customers, and quietly adjust pay formulas behind the scenes (my least favorite BTS).

So when you see an ad saying, “Work when you want! No boss!” mentally translate it to: “Work whenever the algorithm decides you are worthy of a $3.25 delivery 10 miles away, and your boss is invisible but somehow still micromanaging you from the cloud.”

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Step 3: Building Something Better Than “Hustle ‘til You Collapse”

If the gig economy is a trap, the exit is not individual genius; it is collective power. Worker-organizing efforts across the country are pushing for minimum pay standards, due process for deactivation, safety protections, and the right to form unions or similar collective bodies to negotiate with platforms.

On the community level, advocates on Chicago’s southeast side and beyond have highlighted worker cooperatives as one way to keep wealth and decision-making rooted in neighborhoods rather than siphoned off by distant investors. Co-ops have been shown to create more stable, equitable jobs and expand ownership opportunities for women, immigrants, and workers of color who are often shunted into low-wage, precarious work.

The long-term vision is not just “better gigs” with slightly higher pay, but an economy where basic needs are not contingent on whether an app decides your acceptance rate is sufficiently jukin’ this week.

No single customer can fix structural exploitation, but collective behavior can either reinforce the problem or apply pressure for change. Treat every order as a chance to either participate in the con or chip away at it.

Here are some things to consider:

• When possible, pick up from local spots directly instead of routing everything through third-party apps that take large commissions.

• Talk to gig workers — ask how conditions actually are, listen without defensiveness, and take what they say seriously.

• Share posts and stories from driver- and shopper-led organizations instead of just platform marketing.

• Support campaigns for fair pay, safety standards, and clear rules on deactivation and data transparency.

None of this turns your Friday-night tacos into a revolution, but it moves the story away from hopelessness to collective momentum.

You’re Still Here? Aww, You Care!

The gig economy sells an individual fantasy: You, the lone hustler, outsmarting the system through grit and five-star customer service, while quietly depending on a reality where workers are isolated, underpaid, and easy to replace. Here at Guerrilla Press, we see you. Hell, I used to be one of you.

The call to action is simple, if not easy: stop treating gig work as a quirky life hack and start treating it as a labor struggle. Tip workers, yes, but also stand with them when they organize, vote, and agitate for policies that curb platform power, and invest time and money into alternatives that keep wealth and decision-making in the communities doing the work.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, my mobile order is ready.

Peace (only if you’re willing to fight for it)

T

“It’s only been one year?!” Yes, we are only starting the second year of Donald Trump’s second presidency, and like most sequels, it sucks! A lot of people are upset and sick of how we are being treated as a nation, but as a black man in this country, it’s a tale as old as time, or 1619 for the history buffs out there.

Police violating rights and killing people in broad daylight is nothing new for us. Too often, everyday items have been confused for guns in our hands: cell phones, Skittles, and a permit for a gun. These actions have finally turned their ugly head on White people, and now they are feeling the pains we warned and complained about for decades, but hey, at least All Lives really do matter now.

So, what do we do? Well, “WE” (Black People) are going to keep doing what we’ve been doing, which I can’t tell you because it’s super secret, and I can’t share what happens in the meetings or my card will be revoked. I do know the two things y’all can do, so here I am to show you the way!

Reverse Gentrification - Of course, we know what gentrification is, but with reverse gentrification, you move back to the WASPY neighborhoods from which you came.

You’d be helping out in two ways:

1. You’d move out of black and brown places, making homes more affordable again and…

2. You’d lower the prices in the burbs and upset conservatives with your newly found AAVE, and while you’re at it, be loud and listen to music with gunshots in it to drive costs down. The best part is economic, you’d bring back the middle class!! Remember the middle class?! You can be the reason we would live like it’s the 90s again! Truly making America great- never mind.

Go Fuck Some Shit Up - You read correctly, I know that protests are usually meant to be peaceful on our side, and as much as I love seeing all different types of people using their First Amendment rights (even if they are clapping on the 1s and 3s).

It feels like it’s not enough when the opposing side is supporting fascism and shooting people in the face. It feels like chants and songs aren’t going to cut it, but that’s where YOU come in!

There are plenty of conversations about using your privilege, but what better way than to actually fight back?! We’re already using the First Amendment to make our voices heard, but what if they aren’t listening? Why not look into one of the other fun ones? Tap into those instincts and create the real change we’ve learned about in those history books, since I can’t just walk into a country club.

I’m not saying go full Luigi, but maybe scare ‘em a little bit while you listen to Hamilton.

These may feel extreme, but that’s change and progress, and if you’re feeling like “that’s too much for me,” imagine how I feel! If I didn’t scare you off and you’re still reading, congrats, because you made it to the secret third option that keeps you out of jail and allows you to stay in your diverse communities, and that’s… 

Attack Their Pockets. Be wise about where you spend your money; boycotts of big corporations have been shown to actually work and hurt the bigwigs where they really care. “But E.J., I need my Target Starbucks with a McDonald’s chaser,” and I need us to stop being targets for the administration, so go spend in local businesses and support the little guy(Person!) because if you can’t do that, then what the hell are we doing anyway?