Donald Trump Loves Poop, Not Housing
The Commander-and-Chief is now requiring his poops to be bagged and secured
Happy Friday, Guerrilla Pressians!
Between Graham Platner dropping out and Mitch McConnell continuing to exist in a purgatory-like state, I didn’t think the news cycle could get any weirder, but I was wrong!
Trump left for his latest NATO meet-up earlier this week on his brand-new Qatari Bribe Force One, but after the war in Iran flared up again, he decided to revert back to the OG Air Force One, likely out of concerns that his new palace in the sky was bugged to the gills and a national security risk.
I am sure he thought it was a crappy decision, but that is nothing compared to the reported new security protocol that has been put in place: Secure his poops.
Yes, when Trump poops out of the country now, someone has to bag that fecal matter and make sure it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands. Gross. Why? Well, like his dictator buddies Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-Un, he’s scared that his biometrics could get leaked to the enemy.
Oh no! They could find out he is old, sick, and out of shape! THE HORROR!
If you want to hear my full thoughts on Trump’s poopy new protocol and his decision to protest the transformative housing bill on his desk, check out today’s news segment on the Guerrilla Press YouTube channel. I reunite with Tanner Sells for a totally serious conversation about these two issues.
Video embedded at the top of the post, with the podcast version at the bottom. Subscribe!
Elsewhere in the country, Lorenzo Salgado Araujo was tragically shot and killed by ICE agents in my hometown of Houston, TX. It’s the latest in a slew of overly aggressive and anti-democratic measures by the rogue DHS entity and a sad reminder about how all Americans need to remain vigilant.
Starting next week, our semi-daily newsletter will include more updates on the day-to-day goings-on at ICE to keep you abreast of their activities and how you can help resist.
Please try your best to get out this weekend and enjoy the nice weather if you have it. Times are politically fraught at the moment, but it is important to remember to find moments to reset your mind and possibly even spark some joy. That’s important!
- Nick